"Free music for the People :: free People for the Music"

[est'd 2004 A.D. :: New Jersey]

Monday, October 19, 2009

STING/STABILITY/JAMERSON ::

On Being A Bassist :: Sting, Stability & Jamerson
(part 54 of many many...)

GORDY JUST AIN'T GOT ENUFF SOUL FINGA!
...and his style is wack. I mean what he dresses in. And I hate that he had to put his goddamn signature on a '51 P-bass so I feel like a poseur every time I pick one up -- and way to make the normal ones go up in price, ya asshole! WHO THE HELL BUYS A SIGNATURE GUITAR ANYWAY? Even weirder is figuring out who the hell buys a signature BASS. That's no way to be creative. I wanna play the bass that Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner plays! And I want it to say "STING" on the headstock! Sting. Yeah, O.K.!

Mr. Sumner's pretty useless to me... and the Police are way too fucking repetitive. How many times can they repeat the same goddamn chorus line? It's never even a whole fucking chorus... it's usually just one or two damn lines! AND NOT GOOD ONES!

But good luck to him, you, and the tao-de-ching's-chi/feng-shui/tantra you may find within you (or without you...) Next time try some primal scream.
"Sooo... what DO you look for in a supportive bass line?"
That's kind of a trick question... the only real answer would be... well... support. Without a pansy attitude & way-too-repetitive-performance of an already shit song (e.g. "i send an SOS to the world" x500000.)

There are just a million better bassists with better attitudes and better hair than Sting. And they aren't[/never have been/never will be] sex symbols fer middle-aged-women. If you're known by name by middle aged white women AND they want to fuck you, you're probably a shit bassist... because middle aged white women don't know shit about bass playing. They take it for granted more than anybody else out there.

Shit where the bass is supportive as all hell (of the top o'da dome) ::

anything by AC/DC...
"Papa Was A Rolling Stone"...
anything by James Brown (with or without Bootsy)...
anything by the Stooges...
anything by the Hives...
anything by the Pogues...
anything by Al Green...
anything by the Ramones...
most Pop records....
John Lennon solo records...
old Zeppelin & Black Sabbath rekkids...
REGGAE & Ol-Skool Ska...
Van Halen's dude... (Mark something?)
that guy who plays with Steve Albini & does tape loops for Mission of Burma...
Duck Dunn...
Fats Domino's right hand...

NOT Sting... I mean... yeah, great, he plays in the pocket, plays the right notes... but it just gets OLD. I don't like his attitude, and you can hear his damn attitude in his damn playing. He's like George Harrison all sobered up on wanker-juice & weiner-sauce. Dude should spend less time showin off & maintaining his 58 year old GUNZ and write a damn song that doesn't suck for once.

(my personal) Rule number 1 :: FUCK PAUL MCCARTNEY; as a person, as a bassist, as a Beatle, as a Wing, as a douche-bag, as a really really boring cocky cheeky bastard. I really don't care much for him... the only time I liked him was when his songs were half written by Lennon and everybody remembered/knew that Lennon was the founder and the leader of the group. Before Brian died. But whatever.

What's Ringo doing in 2009, anyway? He's probably drinking an apple-tini right now...

What I meant was...
  • Bad bassist :: Makes trouble, gets noticed by being bad. Either a failed guitarist or someone with no chops or no soul or chops with no soul. Or someone just not up to the task, lacking in hand-mind coordination.
  • Good bassist :: Nobody knows your name, steady as quartz, hold it down and play with a tone that fits the mix and the song.
  • Better bassist :: Bassists know your name, steadier than quartz, sharper than diamond, hold it down, fit tonally, don't play cop-out lines (e.g. if it's a 12 bar blues, come up with something that's not been played before in between the shit people expect, or as a replacement... make it steady enough to go unnoticed but make booties shake and make vaginas get all juicy...) Meanwhile, the musicians in the room will recognize & people will want you on their sessions, at their gigs, in their bands, as a songwriting partner, etc. etc. whatever... if they aren't a self-indulgent foolish guitard/"singer-songwriter."
  • Best bassist :: James Jamerson. Except he never engineered or mixed any records... that's another skill (in my opinion) that's very tied in with the same purpose you stand behind when you're a good bassist... if you know what you're doing and can work with people; yknow... musicianship without wanking. Like Steve Cropper and Robbie Robertson play guitars. RELENTLESS. Don't know who Jamerson is? The answer's in the kick drum at the top of the page (dear God, you might have to use the scroll bar... is it worth it? Are you even still reading?)
  • "Virtuoso" :: Plays too many goddamn notes, songwriting & execution suffers, useless to me as a bassist.
Now... What I was saying was... Yoko Ono was a righteous chick. She could probably play bass if she wanted to. But she probably didn't want to. And now she's old. Shame on us.

Sincerely,
Conor Meara

5 comments:

bunny1 said...

"He's like George Harrison all sobered up on wanker-juice & weiner-sauce."

HAH.

Anonymous said...

so you're saying paul's a shit bassist? cuz you can hate the guy but you can't deny the playing on the beatles records.

conor said...

no, i'm not saying he's a shit bassist. he's a very functional bassist who can write lines pretty well (especially when he's playing with the rest of the fab.) but he's not a bassist at heart. at heart he's a showman, a big ball of sagging charisma, a singer, a million other things before bassist. but he's a good musician and a smart guy so he can pull off playing bass very very well. I'm not going to call what he plays "soulful" though. unless by soulful you include a douchebag's soul.

he's definitely more useful to me (as a bassist) than Gordon.

Anonymous said...

Well said.

bramz said...

yeah jamerson.